that this is an entry from my journal, dated 9th October 2008. The previous entry was dated 19th September 2008 and is a mess of scribblings.
that this article was interrupted twice in its course. I started writing it at around 10 a.m. and managed to finish it only at 8 p.m. Any disappointment and glitches in the style be all respectable M's fault! (:P) But I can't help wondering about the possible histories, the variety of endings I might have made if I had not been interrupted. Who picks my destiny from so many probable histories? But, the three sisters of Destiny have already lost my thread! So who picks my shoes for me? Who is that enigmatic faery that gently guides me?
Well... the article:
long time! I know.
I am beginning to believe that this is the only way of filling this journal up. Usually, its the waiting for something interesting to happen that's responsible for the lag. Now, though, its waiting for a chance to remember and write.
Yes, I've finally become busy - something that every man and woman so desperately wants to be - something that I envied in others until then - something that, I don't think, is particularly nice, now. I've become busy for two reasons: right and wrong.
I've taken up a job and this is a reason that is both right and wrong. It is not exactly what I wanted to do in my life. However, it gives me enough room to keep trying to do what I want to. And more importantly, it gives me freedom; though there is a little doubt that this freedom is an illusion. The job also lets me whet my blade with which I hope to sever all the fetters that bind me to this mundane world; though there is a tiny voice in my head which whispers that the fetters are an illusion in the first place and that even if they existed, it might not be a good idea to sever them.
I guess I was careless sometime, somewhere and that tiny span of in-attention made me susceptible. I got infected: I'm rotting, becoming human, from outside. That's a good thing though. It always rots from outside. There is hope that by the time the deepest depths are reached, the mortal human would die, leaving the core unblemished.
Then there is this another job which keeps me busy on weekends and this is a reason which is entirely wrong. For, in the first place, I wanted to devote my weekends completely to do the one thing I want to do in my life. Secondly, its a job that I don't particularly like. And thirdly and most importantly, they used the ugliest means to get me. When I told them politely that I would rather not do it, they put the proposal again; this time through the one person I would not disobey. And to think that mamma actually put me to it with out any consideration for my wants! - I felt betrayed - a fiery anger stifled and suppressed into a pinpoint!
I know what you must be thinking. There is no reason why I should absolutely obey her. Then again, there is no reason. No reason at all in my world. No reason for anything I do. Unreasonable! That's how I like it. A life dictated by desire and want, pure and uncontaminated by reason.
When I am not at either of the two jobs, I find myself busy with a pursuit. Everybody has a pursuit, She tells me: pursuit of happiness, wealth, power, fame or girls (She actually said that! :P) or anything else that might of interest. I already have wealth; I am a King. Of course I have power; would not be much of a King otherwise. Fame! ha! Would it not be enough if the thousands of minions in the legion know I am their commander. Is it not enough that there are rulers who have nightmares if they think plan to fight me. I am famous enough. No! None of the above mentioned items interest me. But I have found something worth a pursuit. I have strayed too far and lost the way. So now, I'm looking for the door that leads me back home - the Valley of Fireflies in the Enchanted Forest.
In this pursuit, I've been studying opals! The scientific name would be photonic crystals. Stray! Stray! Stray! Sometimes that's all that I'm capable of. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I am neck deep drowning in Scattering theory.
Well, I've to get back home someday. So this pursuit is not altogether wrong. But then again it's not entirely a right reason because I know the harder I pursue more evasive the door is and that it will present itself to me when the time has come. Well! Every King has his crazy hobbies, his bouts of madness! When I am not occupied with anything else, you'll find me doing what I've always wanted to do in my life - and this is a completely right reason - ignoring, of course, a few exceptions one of which is one of the subjects of this brief writeup. Reading stories - that's what I've always wanted to do in my life. Everything else is just a means. "nimmiththa maatram"
So much for the reasons why I've become busy which in turn is the reason for the hiatus since the last entry in my journal. And now... one of the two subjects of this entry: An exception from the four things that keep me busy.
Its not everyday that I get to meet people. Its a crazy world that I live in. Everybody is busy. Everybody wasn't, until sometime back. I felt odd. Very odd. Sometimes I even envied them. I wished I was busy too. Now I am. Now everybody is. While that is so, it brings immense happiness - the prospect of meeting some one over a coffee - the prospect of the prospect actually happening.
And so it happened - like a miracle; I could almost see the faeries sprinkling glowing pollen all around - two years and three months since I last saw her, I met her again, a few days back. N. The girl with big black eyes. Vanitha's Zephyra! Unfortunately (for the readers) I can't put in words my happiness or any other feelings that coursed through me during the rendezvous. There is a reason. (So many reasons in the life of someone who lives by wants and desires!) My ability to put in words anything I want to, I think, stems from the incessant firing of the neurons in my head which leads to so much noise. I've gotten used to it now, but it is still unbearable and believe me, if you will, when I say, I've sufferred through bouts of clutching my head, clenched fists, pulling my hair, choked throat, brimming eyes and an immense, unfathomable pain from that place somewhere in the chest, I could never pinpoint to. To say it in few words, it's a curse! (Now that sounds cool!) There are only two people in this whole world who can put this painful heart to rest, arrest the neural firing and shower upon me the blessing of peace. Peace! Oh such wonderful Peace! N. is one of the two.
That is why I can't write anymore about the short get-together. Yes, it was a get-together. When a person means the world, meeting him/her is a get-together. It was a get-together where Raven, Aeon, Saki, Azure, the oldman Seraph, N and myself were all present. Sitting. Separately. Quietly.
The other subject of this entry, of course, is books. Book! actually. I recently finished 'The Thief Lord' by Cornelia Funke. This book followed the 'Neverwhere' by Neil Gaiman in my reading-spree series. The Thief Lord was not the best book I've read, but it's a just book to shelve among the fantasy books. The writing style is modestly simple and lucid. Though it resembled a little like another Neverwhere, only set in Venice, instead of London Underground, I've been chiding myself 'it is not true'. The main attraction of the book though, in my opinion, is the theme: children wanting to be grown ups as quickly as possible, just so they would not be bossed around. After finishing The Thief Lord, I took up, for the second attempt, The Kite Runner. I know. Its completely out of the league of books I've been reading. But everyone kept telling me it's a nicely written book and I wanted to read it, if for nothing else, to know what it means to write nicely. May it was nicely written, but I would have admitted it if it had been used for a fantasy story. I get enough of the reality myself and I don't want to read another book or watch another movie to remind me how distraught and wretched mankind is. I already know it. I KNOW IT ALREADY! And so the second attempt, subsequently failed, half-way through the book.
Meanwhile, there was a 'chance-meeting'. Quite fated, in my opinion. I happened to glance through the first page article of HT Cafe' one of the past few days to know about a book title "Children of the Enchanted Forest" by an author I have not heard of before. Timeri N Murari. Enchanted Forest! Home! Reportedly, it's a fantasy novel - well with in the league. One of these days I am going to have to read it. And while on the topic of to-read-books, I should remind myself that Neil Gaiman's new book, "The Graveyard Book", is going to be released this month (or has it already?)
Putting the Kite Runner back into the depths of my bag, I opened the much awaited 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak. Finishing the Prologue I fell in love with it, just as I had expected; expectations based on the reviews. I've only completed two chapters, but I know this book ain't gonna disappoint me. It's awesome. So cool. Chilling.
I had planned to write few lines from the book here. But without the context, they might be a waste and got no spirit left to write more...
And as you might have noticed, I did not really write much about a book I fell in love with.. Books are more like the two people I mentioned. They give me peace. The price I pay for this peace is forfeiting words!
Finally, I think I have caught up with my current affairs. Time to stroll on...
nja ne!
Jade.
